Unfortunately, the topic is not regarding the mundane incident of my black out post alcohol abuse. It is more indicative of the general emotional state that is fast becoming the norm.
My recent absence has been due to the many times my desires to come here and jot down some of my numerous takes on various situations have been unfulfilled due to the general pace of life, and also technological difficulties (more like "difficulty", specifically the malfunction of the previous version of the editor in this site!), but mainly I guess its the anti-social sentiments which are creeping in on some unexplained level. Long story short, this post is way overdue (even though it won't really attempt to minimize the effects of the absence).
This is probably the paragraph where I whine about life in general, but.. that is when I remember I can't get myself to care anymore. I despise the increasing regularity with which life sharpens the bitterness I have carried for far too long. I'm fast becoming numb to the point of not having the energy or the inclination to bother to even complain anymore. The general sentiment is cold indifference, and a lack of energy or inclination to even care about THAT. If not for a handful of people who mean the world to me, (specially one, who's taken me by surprise- to put it lightly) I probably would be past feeling the need to blog, which actually would have been scary not so long ago; but not anymore.. What it means, even I'm not aware of.. Only time will tell I guess....
Life goes on.. I no longer look ahead, nor behind.. Its supposedly to be the most prudent form of existence, but its unnaturalness is leaving me feeling anything but. Life has now become a "take each day as it comes", with the inclusion of "and don't give a fuck". Mind, I would not complain in the least if even a little smidgen of positivity that this mentality is supposed to be accompanied by comes my way, but then- nothing new there is it?? Life has never been in a generous mood when it comes to giving me my due.. Or maybe I have just set my expectations too high? (which would be ironic, considering that I can't discern what my expectations ARE anymore, leave alone evaluate the feasibility of the same).
I await the day when I can recover a semblance of "normalcy" which I have a vague recollection of once having within my grasp. But my fingers aren't crossed. It may come, it may not; quite frankly, I couldn't care less. So we'll see how it goes.. Let us see what the future holds in this, my cursed existence........
