So yet another issue which I feel is in severe need of examination, is the self esteem of women; I would like to mention here that I will be narrating the perspective of a guy, with which I'm sure most guys DO agree, at the very least subconsciously. If they don't, that is merely because they feel it not "becoming" of a man to admit feelings like these! ;)
I have always found it to be a lost cause trying to explain to women that they are beautiful as they are, and that they do not need to feel that they are not. I understand that there are some who are actually "blessed" (or is it cursed?) with "beauty" which is more widely accepted than others, but what I find unfathomable is how even THEY have issues with their self esteem!! This has made me analyse the issue from the valuable perspective of the male, who (admittedly or otherwise!) is the main reason that women feel the need to be beautiful.
Before I go further, a few clarifications to be made- if you are the type of girl who is looking for the attention of men everywhere you go, this article (from the conclusion of this paragraph onwards) will be of little value to you. I am by no means passing judgement, just stating that this is more relevant for those who are looking for that one person who they can share the rest of their lives with. Such attention can indeed only be gained by what you have been told that guys "look for", and frankly I don't think it's worth the effort or even much thought to be honest. So my advice?? Don't bother, because it's not worth it! As a guy, who is incapable of ignoring true physical beauty (albeit in much less absurd proportions than what magazines would have you believe!!), I know that if the roles were reversed, I would not bother or try to get the kind of attention I find myself giving, in that situation, because its not really that great. Not that this kind of attention is vulgar (though I'm sure it DOES on occasion attract THAT sort of attention as well!!); just that it's not really worth the effort it takes to gain it, if indeed you do take a lot of effort to. Remember, if it takes no effort at all, there is yet another problem in the wings; that you will be viewed for what you SEEM to be than who you are, which will eventually lead to complications.
If, however, you are a woman who wants to look good to attract the right kind of attention, the attention that we give when we are really interested in you, and start to not see anyone else but you, and start to feel the that we've found what we were looking for, then I am definitely talking to you. I have been that guy, and having been that guy , let me tell you what you should do; STOP!! You have to realise that there is nothing you need to DO or BE to catch our attention. We are not going to give up seriously looking at another woman as potential candidates to share the rest of our lives with, simply on an impression that we might get initially. What is important is that we will see you for who you are if you let us, and our initial impression has no bearing on our feelings towards you before or after we make that choice. We may oogle at a woman we call consider "hot" or "sexy" (translation- "slutty" in your language!!;)), or "pretty" or "cute", but it will only be a fleeting thing; we are not seriously considering them for anything long term (I'm not oblivious to the short-term angle to this situation!!). However, when we fall in love, we will see no-one BUT you. We may have said it before, and if you somehow feel you want someone else and we are forced to look elsewhere, we may say it to someone else as well; but it is completely true, at the time we say it, and will remain so as long as you choose to accept our undying devotion (which, incidentally, we ARE capable of!!). I'm not saying we will be totally unable to admire another women who is physically attractive, but what I AM saying is it will have become a disconnected third-person view, as we might see a beautiful painting. This other woman or women hold no ATTRACTIVE appeal to us anymore. So what I'm saying is looks and first impressions don't really have any bearing on the way we can, or will feel about you in the future; so please, stop putting yourself through unnecessary anxiety about how you look, or appear! We ARE capable of looking past all that, and we DO in fact do just that when we meet you. The important thing is that we connect with you, and if we connect with you to the level that we DO in fact feel we can fall in love with you, looks and impressions will have NOTHING to do with it. And if and when we DO fall in love with you, you will become the most stunningly gorgeous, the most capable and the most amazing woman we have ever met, and this will NEVER change; even after years of monotony, pregnancy fat, constant nagging, seeing you at your worst, or even after seeing you every day for the rest of our lives! So please don't be insensitive enough to tell us that what we think does not count, because it hurts for us to think that our opinion is not the most important to you, which in turn makes us feel inadequate. When you disregard our approval in favor of other's, we are wonder why it would matter so much to you, if we barely notice anyone else but you. So if you feel that way, might I suggest that you take the time to seriously re-evaluate what it means, that our perception of you is not that important to you?
I think in essence what I'm trying to say is that you are indeed beautiful, and there will be someone who will see it, and be completely content to be with you for it. Don't try to alter your natural beauty unnecessarily, because it will make us fall for who you SEEM to be, which will most certainly end up hurting either or both. And even if you (like most women!) are not satisfied with that, my question is- what does it matter?? So what if there are people who you think look better than you?? So what if some people don't think you are beautiful? So what if you feel you don't fall into the norm of what people think is beauty??SO WHAT?? I don't think I fall into any particular norm myself, but I never worry about it. I have other worries, but that is a whole different topic entirely. Why would you worry about something that has no bearing on what you are looking for? And if there is indeed at least one (or maybe more than one) person who will admire YOUR beauty as it is, and who has been looking for exactly that kind of beauty, does it matter what the majority think??
And I'm sure you've heard it before, but NEVER believe a magazine. It is not fact, it is fiction. We do not like size zero figures (unless you are that naturally!!), we do NOT care what size or shape your breasts are, we are not particularly worried that your hips to midriff ratio is not that of a hourglass, nor how big or shapely your posterior is, and we do NOT think that "fashion" always (if EVER) looks good. We know you may have "tires" or "love handles", or weight in the wrong places, and some of us even expect (dare I say appreciate??) hair (you heard me!!) in all the places that they are supposed to be (ok, so MAYBE with the exception of legs in MY case!!:D). The point is, it DOES NOT matter, so don't let anyone tell you any different. Be yourself, and don't care too much about what others think. Because I can guarantee you that there is someone out there who will appreciate you for you, and your impression that you need to do something more to find that person is redundant. Just concentrate on a honest and straightforward impression of yourself, and let fate do the rest!!
I'm hoping that being a guy, me saying this will mean more than coming from the many women I'm sure have said the same thing in different ways. And to all the women who can relate, here's to YOU!!:)
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