SO I realised that while I’ve been quite explicit on certain issues I’ve analyzed, that there is very little on here about me. This, of course, stems from yet another......wait for it........realisation!!:D (I know, enough already, right?? ;)ROFL!)
I’m not going into a lengthy discussion of explaining myself, rather I’m going into a lengthy discussion of one particular thing. People who know me have probably noticed this, and would probably go “Like DUH!!” but the truth is, till it’s said, I doubt anyone quite put a finger on it.....
I’m generally a very patient person, and there isn’t much that gets under my skin. There is one particular thing though- and that is when people either lie, or hide the truth from me. I take it as a personal insult to my intelligence, my rationality, and further as making decisions for me (which, incidentally, is something ELSE I loathe!). How is it equal to a decision made on my behalf? Well, simply, because the decision not to tell me something (especially when I DIERECTLY ask about it!) is made on the basis that that person feels they know how I would react; that they know what is better for me; so much so that they know even better than ME whether I will want to know, or if I SHOULD know. I personally think that if it’s something which relates to me, I have a right to know. If I directly ask someone about something that directly affects me, I feel they should be obliged to tell me. It is a continuous nagging itch in my side, when such a thing happens. I think time and time again I have proven that I’m more rational than average, that people NEVER quite expect my reaction, and that telling me generally (and surprisingly!) improves the situation rather than complicates it. And on occasion, not telling me has proven to be the CAUSE of the problem, to the extent that if I was told before, unnecessary tension and stress could have been avoided. So, what I cannot fathom is why people would not TELL me straight, what exactly is going on!!
And who, when they do this, annoy me the most you may ask?? Well, ironically, the people who are closest to me!! Of course it’s easy to forgive them when they had my interests at heart, and when they’ve properly gauged my reaction. I, of course, can’t blame those people who do not know me for not telling me things straight up, because (evidently!) they don’t know me!!:P But, those few who I’d give life and limb for?? Who I’d walk through hell and back for?? It is so hard to forgive them. Sometimes I wish they would understand that the very fact that I will always be there for them in almost any capacity they’d need me, is the very reason that they shouldn’t be worried about being brutally honest and straight with me!
Sometimes, all it takes is the plain, unadulterated truth to solve a problem, which exists because of the lack or withholding of information. I appreciate that some things seem like they cannot be told, and sometimes you want to deny the truth simply because you cannot justify it to yourself. But there are times in life where we must share our burdens with others, and maybe, just maybe, they will understand, forgive and accept you for who you are. Sometime, that which you think is a grave mistake, or an unimaginable wrong, may be something that needn’t have worried you, once shared. And sometimes, there will be people who will support you whenever you need them, and your only fault will have been that you didn’t trust them. Sometime, there will be people who will make everything ok, as long as you trust your feelings and intimate naked moments with them. I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but I’d like to think that sometimes, to a very small group of people, I AM that person. There is nothing that saddens me more, in the spirit of being misunderstood, than when I’m not seen to be that person by those few..... There is nothing that I could wish for more, than that I could change that. But as they say, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride!! (Rue full smile!)
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